rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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