went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
