we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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