One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
