think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
