dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
