and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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