Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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