He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
