It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
