Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
