This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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