Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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