i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
