She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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