watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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