im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
