Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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