Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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