I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
