I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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