man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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