her vagine was all disorganized.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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