no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
