Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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