This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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