The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
