the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
