I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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