It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
