He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
