Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
