my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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