Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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