i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
