I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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