at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
