just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
