Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
