pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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