my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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