I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
