forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
