I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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