apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
