hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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