I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
