I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
