if i can run in heels then i can drive
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
