I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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