fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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