its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
