i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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