I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
