Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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