Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just had sex on a roof
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
