ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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