I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
