I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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