just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
