I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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