I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
