Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
