2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
