so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
