I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
