All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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