just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
