I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize