I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
