so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
my poor anus
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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