no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
