Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize