I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
