Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
