Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
