He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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