your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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