he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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