In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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