dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
