went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
