my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just had sex on a roof
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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