Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
