did you get engaged???
I didn't shave. On purpose
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
