her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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