my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
