WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
