we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
