I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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