He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
