The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He felt like a one man threesome
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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