Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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