so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just pynch a tree in the face
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
