Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize