So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
