ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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