ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
