fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
being pregnant is like rehab
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
