Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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