Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
