There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize