hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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