I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
