Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
