32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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